Curt Seaburg.com

Helping Your Child Cope With Tragedy

Gotta be honest with you, I am still a little raw over the events that transpired this past week in Connecticut.  Being a pastor of a church with the average age of 32, this will no doubt effect a ton of them.  We have a lot of parents with small kids.  The tragic incident in Connecticut has caused fear in all of us.  Imagine the fear in the innocent mind of a child. How does a parent or teacher address this fear?  Ron Edmondson shared some helpful insights, and I thought you might like these suggesstions as well:

Here are 7 suggestions:

Don’t assume – Don’t assume just because your child doesn’t mention what happened that they don’t know or care. Fear is a normal reaction, especially for a child. Watch for unusual behavior. Be aware of mood changes or extreme sadness. Make sure they know it’s okay to talk about it and that there is no shame or disappointment from you when they are fearful. Maybe tell them of a time you were afraid…even a recent time.

Limit exposure – You’re curious, so the television may be on news stations. What are they covering right now? Remember they process information different from how you do. They may not appear to be watching, but they probably are more than you think. Fill their minds with things to encourage them not perpetuate the fear. This is a time to turn off the television and simply play with your kids. They’ll get no better assurance.

Ask questions – You may think they are afraid of one thing, but it is something completely different. Many times children, especially young children, are simply confused or have misinformation. You can better address the fear if you know its roots.

Assure them – Let them know they are safe. Don’t lie to them, but remember the chances of the same thing happening to them is rare…very rare. Remind them you’d do anything to protect them. You may need to help them process for weeks to come. Don’t rush them to “get over it”. Pray for and with them often.

Live normal – As much as possible, live a normal weekly schedule. Their routine is part of their “security blanket.” Don’t allow their fear to cripple them or the family for long. In spite of our fears, we have to move forward.

Be calm – Especially during this stressful time, don’t let your children see you in panic. Watch what you say in front of them. Parents shouldn’t fight in front of kids anytime, but especially during a time of uncertainty like this. Renew your faith. They get their faith through you.

Give them Scripture – They need something they can cling to as permanent and dependable. What better place than the Word that will never fade? Recite Psalm 56:3 to them. If they are old enough, write it down somewhere they can see it often. Memorize some verses of strength and share with them often.

Pray with your child - Pray for the families of those effected by this tragedy, but also pray with your kids for the families.  It will help your child feel like they are doing something to help.  Prayer is a POWERFUL WEAPON.

Stiil My "Boy of Fall"

My boy is growing into a man and this is his favorite time of year … football time.  I admit it. I got a little emotional whenever I watch the Kenny Chesney Video “Boys of Fall” because I think of my own “Boy of Fall.”  He is, by far, my favorite Boy of Fall. 

Drew is the youngest of our four kids, he’s the only boy the Lord gave us and we affectionetly call him, “The Man-Child.”  We have watched his feet grow from itty-bitty to a size 13.  His neck is 17” and his waist is 34.  He’s all over 6’ 2" and this is his senior yar.  These kids of ours grow up too fast, eat way too much and time flies by.  If we blink, we might just miss it.

This past week, they won their second game in a row.  They are 2-0 and pumped.  They are reaing stories in the paper about their team and this past Friday, they even had a little interview with the local TV station, WGAL. 

I watched boys get so excited over their big win last night, that (from my view in the stands) I could see one of our big DE's (Joey Goodhart) excitedly skip across the field after the game like only a 240# kid could skip.  I loved it.  Those "feelings" rush in and rush out way too fast.

 I love what football taught me.  Drew will also learn:

1. Even though you are working real hard, somebody will always try to knock you down.
2. Not everybody is going the same direction you are.  Know your direction.
3. Not everybody will talk nice to you.  (even those n "your team")
4. You play on Friday nights like you practice Monday-Thursday.Hard work always pays off.
5. Timing is critical.  Watch the ball.
6. Boundaries are essential.  Stay in bounds if you want to progress in life.
7. When there is a score, don't forget to celebrate!
8. Savor the sweet moments.
9. Your encouragement will always mean more then you realize to team-mates.
10. Study the Playbook -- it's always right.
11. Just because one play was great, doesn’t mean the next one will be too.
12. You won’t score on every play, but that doesn’t mean you don’t play like you won’t.

I love football.  I love what the game has taught me.  I want my boy to have fun.  I want him to dream.  Learn to work as a team.  Give it all he’s got every play.  Maybe even help up an opposing teammate off the ground.

Here’s how I look at it.  Drew has got 6 more games to play this year.  This is his final high scoll season.  Pam & I only get these 6 more games.   But, hears what you can count on - on those Friday nights, Pam & I will be at the game somewhere around the 50 yeard line about 15 rows up.  I pray Drew takes it all in, gives it his all and leaves everything on the field.   He’s my Boy of Fall and we are proud of the man of God he is becoming.

Are you afraid to address cultural issues?

How Does God Feel About HOMOSEXUALITY?

I can remember hearing the anecdote of “the frog in the boiling pot.”  The boiling frog story is a widespread narrative describing a frog slowly being boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. The story is often used as a metaphor for the inability of people to react to significant changes that occur gradually.

I feel very strongly that people should make themselves aware of gradual change lest they suffer eventual undesirable consequences.

 

Redefining of the “Family Unit”

The culture that you and I are in is attempting to “redefine” the family unit.  It’s not only a political hot button, but it is all over our TV screens.   Old shows like “Modern Family” now pale in comparison to the new show this fall called “A New Normal”.

This is another one of those controversial / cultural subjects that we church are questioned on.  I am finding a lot of churches are not willing to touch this, but that’s never been our style.  Let me give you my three rules when it comes to “addressing cultural issues”.

Three Rules For Adressing Controversial and/or Cultural Issues:

1. Where the Bible speaks, we will take a stand. 
2. Where it is unclear, we will look for principles that apply. 
3. Where there are no principles that apply, I’ll simply give you my opinion.

Here’s the deal, we don’t have to agree on everything, but when we disagree, let’s do so in love.  So when it comes to this question, “Is homosexuality a sin?”, rather then MY OPINION … I’ll let the Bible speak on this (it speaks clearly)

 

Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”

Romans 1:24, 26-27 – “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another…Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

 

My stance (not popular politically or socially) but it is biblical. Bottom line is,

the Bible CLEARLY does not CONDONE homosexuality.

 

Some ask: “What about the thought that a person is BORN that way?”  First of all, I am a pastor, not a doctor or a scientist.  But maybe there was alcohol abuse in your family.  The question is, can someone be born with a bent toward alcohol?  Scientist will say that because there was alcohol in your family, you will be an alcoholic.  I don’t believe that at all. 

 

You Don’t Have To Surrender to “Your Feelings”:

The POWER of the risen Christ in my life has given me the ability to overcome anything.  Does it mean we overcome it once and we have completely defeated it, “NO!”  But as we rely on the power of the risen Christ, He gives us the power each day to be strong.

If you are still wondering, “Is a person born with a bend toward homosexuality?”  Let me ask you this, if you are a Christ Follower, why would you surrender to that is opposed to God’s Word?  Wouldn’t you WANT to rely on Christ and His strngth and power for everyday life?

 

If you haven’t faced this question, you will someday …How do you respond to a friend who says, “I am gay.”  (The answer to that … depends)

#1 - If they are not saved, you do not judge them.

We are to love them as Christ would.  We are to pray for them.  We are NOT to talk about them, be mean-spirited to them, tease or bully them.  Do not look down on them.  What we are to do is to befriend them with the motivation of pointing them to Christ.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13 – “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.”

#2 – If they are a Christ follower who has struggled with this.

Then you say the EXACT SAME THING!  If they mess up or give into the sin, don’t kick them out of your church.  Try to encourage healing.  Point them to God’s Word and allow Him to do a healing work in their life.

2 Corinthians 2:6-8 – “The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”

#3 – If they are a Christ Follower who says, “I am gay.”

Well, I know I am “on the edge with this,” but I don’t want you to miss this.  The scripture deals with a BIGGER & BROADER thing than “sexual sin.”

 

The Bigger question is this:

“How do we deal with those who claim to be Christ followers …

… but consistently live a life OUTSIDE of the Bible, willfully and blatantly?”

1 Corinthians 5:9-11 – “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people- not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral…In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.”
 

When To Speak Up – When To Shut-Up    

(Addressing the line, “You Can’t Judge Me”)

This is a classic come back.  Some people say, “You can’t judge me.”  Well, yes and no, let me explain because the Bible is very clear on this as well.  The clear teaching is this:

• Judge not those outside the faith.

We are to love people who are outside of the faith.  Pray for them and ask the Lord for opportunities to share the love and fulfillment that comes from a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

• Judge those inside the church.

Let me be real clear, if there is a person that claims to read the same Bible I do, claims to be a Christian and chooses to live diametrically opposed to God’s Word, you better believe you have a right to speak up.  As a matter of fact, it is your repsonsibility.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Like I said earlier, we don’t have to agree on everything, but when we disagree, let’s do so in love.  So when it comes to this question, “Is homosexuality a sin?”, yea, I think the Bible is quite clear.  Are homosexuals welcome at our church?   You better Believe It!  But we will not compromise, water-down or dilute the pure message of love, forgiveness and hope of Jesus Christ. 

When it comes to how we should respond to people who claim to be Christ Followers and are sinning … we should call them out.  But to those who DO NOT claim to be Christ Followers and are sinning, we love them and and try to build a relationship with them in hopes of them encounetering the all loving, totally suffient, completely fulfilling relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

How I Explained Joe Pa's Firing, to My 16 Year Old Son

"Dad, why did they fire Joe Pa?  He didn't do anything wrong."   While we were watching ESPN's coverage of the firing of Joe Paterno (legendary PSU head football coach), our son asked that question.  The question was a big time question.  When Drew asked me that, I have to admit that it came from left field.  I wasn't quite prepared ... I wasn't thinking in that vein.  But it was a good question, one that he and his team-mates would discuss later that day at football practice. 

Let's be honest, the firing of Joe Pa is insignificant when compared to the REAL tragedy at Penn State.  As I said yesterday, "My heart breaks for those boys and their families who have been victimized and have lived through a horrible nightmare of epic proportions.   If these charges on Jerry Sandusky are true, thank the Lord an monster has been removed from our society.  The context of Drew's question came when they were talking about the firing of Joe Pa on ESPN.

So here's what I told him.  It's what we've always told our kids.  "It's always right to do what's right."  Your emotions should not factor in to your decision to do the right thing.  Right emotions FOLLOW right action, not the other way around.   

Joe Paterno said it himself, "I wish I had done more."  "With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.”  

In the movie "A Few Good Men", there a some great one-liners.  One of the most popular occurs when the crime is revealed and Jack Nicholson (Col. Jessup) screams at Tom Cruise (Officer Kaffey) and says, "You can't handle the truth!!"  We all know and love that line.  But there was a bigger lesson in this story.  And I think that lesson applies here.

At the end, there is an amazing dialogue that takes place between the two men who were on trial named Dawson & Downey.  When it was revealed that Col Jessup was the one who committed the crime, Dawson & Downey expected to go free.  But when the charges were handed down, both men were dishonorably discharged. Watch this

 

Downey: “What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong.”

Dawson:  “Yeah, we did. We were supposed to fight for the people who couldn't fight for themselves. We were supposed to fight for Willie.”

Edwin Burke said it best when he stated, “All that’s necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

It's ALWAYS right to do what's right

It's ALWAYS right to fight for the underdog.

It's ALWAYS right to stand in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square.

It's ALWAYS right to fight for those who can't fight for themselves.

 

So, with all due respect, Coach Joe Paterno should've followed through on those claims and accusations.  He should've used his influence to make sure Sandusky was never around young boys again.  

 

"That's why he was fired, Drew.   Coach Paterno was supposed to fight for the Willies of the world.  As a matter of fact, we all are."

 

 

 

 

"Dad, Why Was Joe Pa Fired? He Didn't Do Anything Wrong."

That was the question my football loving, 16 year old football player asked me this morning as we watched ESPN before school.

If you haven’t heard what is happening at Penn State University and its legendary coach Joe Paterno, nice to see you crawling out from under your rock somewhere.  It is all over the news!  It’s crazy here in PA. 

As a dad of four, I am always looking at life through the lens of “teaching moments.”  This is a big one.  As we are watching TV and listening to the dialogue, I am wondering and asking the Lord to help me decipher the lessons I can glean from this situation.  Because people are already asking, tweeting, texting me, “What do you think?  Do you agree with how Joe Pa was treated?  What’s your stand on what has transpired?”

Let me say this, the charges brought against Jerry Sandusky for his alleged behavior are inexcusable, they are gross, they are disgusting.  My heart breaks for those boys and their families who have been victimized and have lived through a horrible nightmare of epic proportions.   If these charges on Jerry Sandusky are true, thank the Lord an monster has been removed from our society.

But last night (November 9, 2011) Joe Paterno, the head coach, was fired.   In the eyes of my teenage son,  1) Joe Pa didn’t do anything wrong, he is not even part of the investigation.   2) Jerry Sandusky was no longer on Joe Pa’s coaching staff when this was reported so why is Joe Pa being punished, and 3) Coach Paterno told the authorities above him.  Drew said, “Dad, I don’t understand why Joe Pa was fired. He didn't do anything wrong."

What would you say?   The lesson I taught him was eerily similar to a lesson I learned years ago from a classic 1992 movie called, “A Few Good Men.” 

This post is already too long ... I’ll tell you tomorrow.